Not My Type of Man
by Philosophical Pandora
Summary: Yuna, a stylish Konoha kunoichi, is sent out on a mission to scout the area outside of Konoha. She finds an injured Deidara and decides to help him, even though he's her enemy. What happens when Deidara attacks her and does malicious things to her body?


I just had a vision, so I couldn't help myself and had to make another fanfiction. Hopefully, I can finish this. Well, that really all depends on you and your reviews.

By the way, I got inspiration to write this from watching that one Bleach episode where Haineko falls in love with Narunosuke. They were so cute together... Anyway, just in case you're wondering what episode it was, it's 262.

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Not My Kind of Man

Hey, there! I'm Yuna from the Hidden Leaf Village. Just to let you know, I'm a very powerful kunoichi. People shouldn't underestimate me. I can seriously kick some ass. I'm talkative, and I also enjoy shopping a lot. Well, I'm just going to get on with the story.

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It was a nice day in Konoha. The sun was out bright and shining and there was a refreshing zephyr. I was thinking of ways to spend my gorgeous day when I was called by the Hokage. Apparently, a sinister group of S-ranked ninjas known as Akatsuki were wandering about, and Tsunade got concerned. Tsunade assigned Sakura and I on a mission.

"You two are to scout the area outside of Konoha. If you encounter an Akatsuki, obliterate them. You are to report back to me if you've any valuable information." Tsunade turned away from Sakura and I and was now staring out of the window. She warned, "Be careful, and watch your backs."

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Sakura sighed and closed her eyes.

I turned to look at her and said, "What's wrong? Are you afraid?"

She shook her head, though it wasn't convincing. "Of course not." Neither was her answer. Sakura opened her eyes and smiled.

"Good," I returned her smile. "Well, let's kick some Akatsuki ass, alright?" I pulled on my black gloves. "I wanna' get this mission over as soon as possible. I don't wanna' waste such a beautiful day like this on a mission."

"Same here," Sakura replied.

After putting on both gloves, I said, "We'll split up and meet at this exact spot after 20 minutes. Okay?"

"Yeah."

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I jumped branch from branch, flying through the forest at top speed. Hopefully, I wouldn't run into an Akatsuki. Usually, I was up for fights, but I just wasn't in the mood today. Like I said, today was just too nice. I wasn't really expecting anything extroardinary on this mission, but I was sure wrong when I heard a groan. I was in the middle of jumping to another branch and grabbed a higher branch with my hands and swung myself up. _What was that? _I looked around.

"Ohh..."

_That same groan, _I thought. _Is someone dying? _I decided to find out where that sound was coming from, so I followed it. I eventually got to the source. I was standing high up on a branch and looked down. _Hmm..._

From where I was standing, it looked like someone was lying down on the grass having a terrible nightmare. They made sounds that sounded like they were in pain. _Maybe they really are in pain, _I considered. _I'll take a closer look. _I dropped down from one branch to another, slowly coming closer. I kept on coming closer until I was on the ground, only a few feet away from the person emitting the groans.

Now, I got a better look at them. They had long blonde hair that was in a ponytail on top of their head. They also had bangs that were swept aside so it covered one eye. Their eyes were closed, twitching with pain. What shocked me the most was that they were wearing a black cloak with red clouds that were embroidered with white. It was definitely an Akatsuki. _No way... _I quickly walked to a nearby tree and hid behind it. I stepped on a twig and it snapped in half.

The person lying on the ground turned their head. "Who's there?" They asked in a loud voice.

I didn't move behind the tree. _What should I do? Should I engage in battle, or not? But, they sounded like they were in pain. Maybe I should just leave. No, then they'll definitely know that someone was spying on them. Crap, crap, crap! _My brain was in turmoil and was confused from my indecisiveness. I finally decided to step out from behind the tree. I walked in front of them.

The person glared at me with baby blue eyes. _I'll move slowly and be gentle with my actions and words, _I told myself. After all, this was an Akatsuki. They could be just acting to be hurt, or really might be injured. I slowly asked them, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shock you." _I'll act polite. _"Miss, are you okay? You sounded like you were in pain so I came to see..." I took a few steps closer. _Or, should I just kill them? _

"Ugh..." The blonde's arms that were already around their waist tightened. They released another groan that sounded like they were in excrutiating pain. Once more their eyes were tightly squeezed shut. "Fuck."

I instinctively took a few more steps closer, worried. I was unsure whether they were going to die, or were just in temporary pain. _Maybe they're tricking me. _I stopped moving closer. "Where are you injured?" _It's probably best if I stay far away from them. _

The blonde's eyes opened and they were staring at me. "None of your fucking business!" They narrowed their eyes. "Leave me the fuck alone!" the blonde yelled.

I cringed. _They're most likely from Akatsuki. I suppose I'll just kill them now... It's not like I can do much. Besides, they are my enemy. _I pulled my katana from its sheath that was around my hip. Getting ready to kill them, I looked at them intensely, making sure they weren't planning anything. Like they were going to do a surprise attack. I walked a few steps closer, and right when I was about to bring it down on them, the injured Akatsuki opened their eyes.

They gave me a look of sorrow and pain. It was too much for me to handle. I put my katana back in its sheath. _Crap... why are they giving me that look? This is wrong. They're from Akatsuki, they're also a woman, and I'm falling in love... _My face blushed up from being nervous.

Then, they said, "I'm a man... Don't call me... Miss..." They coughed and groaned again.

"Y-You're a man?" I asked, shocked.

He only groaned and grabbed at stomache, pulling some of the cloak away from his body. I could see that they were wearing a fishnet shirt, and that they were somewhat skinny. Obviously, he was a man. _Thank goodness, _I thought. _They're a man, not a woman. _I sighed quietly.

I stood there for a moment, just thinking.

_I usually like guys who aren't so... cute. I mean, he's attractive, but he just looks really... pretty, I guess. I even mistaked him for a woman. _I looked at his exposed torso. _He's also really skinny. I prefer guys who have at least some meat on their bones... And, like, he doesn't really seem like he'd be my type. Plus, he's in Akatsuki! What should I do? Should I kill him, or just let him go? Or maybe I should try to tend to his wounds and help him out? But that would be helping the Akatsuki... He's just too handsome to die like this. _I bit my lip. _I'll just help him for now. I mean, he's injured. So, if he tries to attack me, I can at least hold him down or something, right? Maybe I should just kill him. Or tell Sakura. No, no... I can't tell Sakura. She's got too much of a big mouth. She'll tell everyone. I can only trust myself, I guess... Should I really kill him? _

_No. The only right thing to do is kill him. I don't want to do it, but it seems like it's the only right thing. _I slowly drew my sword from my sheath and was about to bring it down on him when he looked at me again with the same sorrowful, sad expression on his face. It was just too overwhelming. _Shit! He's trying to seduce me by using my protective, maternal instincts! What the hell should I do now? _

"Where are you injured?" I asked one more time. _If they don't answer me this time, I'll just kill them. _

The man pointed at his stomache. "Here."

"Can you move?" I asked. I started to pull out a first-aid kit from my waist.

"Yes..." he replied. He looked at me intensely while I tried to open that damn kit. I tried to ignore his stare.

_Why is he looking at me like that? _I tried to focus more on opening the box rather than his fierce stare. _Does he like me? _I blushed uncontrollably. Finally, I managed to open it. "L-Let me see your injury," I said, trying to make my voice sound superior, strong, and sure.

He moved his hand away from his stomache. I then slowly pulled away the cloak from his abdomen. I wasn't really surprised. It was a really deep wound, though I was pretty sure it didn't hit any vital organs. "Oh, you'll be fine," I said in a relaxed voice. I started to disinfect it. I felt him twitch under my hand.

_I also prefer manly men, who are overflowing with testosterone. He kinda' seems like a wuss. I mean, he flinched from having his wound being disinfected! Yeah, he's definitely not my type of man... _I paused for a moment, too caught-up in my thoughts. Digging through the small kit, I couldn't find anything large enough to cover the wound. _This'll have to do... _I ripped off a nice rectangular piece of cloth from my sleeve and asked if he could sit up for me to wrap it around his waist.

He did so, and murmurred, "You didn't have to do that, hmm..."

I blushed. _He's shy! _"I-It's okay..."

After I was done wrapping it, I asked him, "Who are you?"

"Deidara, un," he said, his breathing a little bit more relaxed than before. "Thanks."

"No problem," I replied.

We sat there for a little bit. The silence was getting too awkward, plus how I didn't even know him and decided to help him out, it was just too much for me to handle. I abruptly said, "So, you're in Akatsuki?" _Shit! I shouldn't have said that! I'm such a dumbass!_

Deidara didn't seem to be shocked at what I said and shrugged. "So, what? Hmm? Are you gonna' arrest me or something, un?" He looked up at me and smirked. "What are you going to do about it?" Deidara raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Something about that look and smile of his gave me the chills. I shook my head. "N-no..." _Why did he give me that look? He's up to something. I should be on my guard. Like Tsunade said, I have to watch my back. He might attack me any time. _"I couldn't just stand here and watch someone -"

"Ugh!" I yelled. I coughed and gasped. I was pinned to a tree. "What are you doing?" I asked frantically.

Deidara had his hands holding my wrist tightly. It wasn't tight enough to break my wrist, but tight enough to stop my circulation. His face was turned downward to an angle so that I couldn't see his eyes, but I could clearly see that he was yet again smirking. He chuckled a dark, deep chuckle.

My eyes widened. "W-What are you doing?" I tried to move my legs. _If I can just get a good aim at his... _I couldn't move them. I looked down to see that my ankles were tightly... clayed... to the tree? _Clay? _I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. I looked up to glare at him. "Let me go!" I tried to kick again.

"It's futile," he commented. His voice was much more different than before. It was truly the voice of a criminal that was in Akatsuki. Deidara's voice was deeper, and something about his tone made me slightly frightened. "Just give up." Deidara smiled and looked at me. His eyes told me that he had something horrible up his sleeve.

I just stared with large, shocked eyes. I felt something wet on my wrists. I looked and saw that there were tongues on his palms, licking away at my wrists. "What are those?" I tried to pull my wrists away.

"Hmm?" Deidara asked. "Oh. I have mouths on the palms of my hands..."

I wanted to scream. "Y-You freak!" I yelled at him. "Let me go!" I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could. I was expecting a response from Deidara, but he didn't say anything. Slowly, I opened my eyes to look at him.

He was glaring at me. "Freak?" he asked slowly.

I looked at him unsurely. _Why is he getting so offended? _

Then, I felt the pressure on my wrists increase. I yelped. It was like he was trying to crush my bones in my wrists. "S-Stop!" I said quietly. "Stop! Stop it!"

"So, I'm a freak, hmm?" Deidara said.

"No, no!" I tried to take back what I said. Of course, apologizing would do nothing. I already said it, and he already heard it. "You're not! You're not!"

Deidara hmphed. "Well, it doesn't matter. Either way, I'm not letting you go. I'm going to have as much fun with you as I can..." He smirked again. This grin was different from the other previous ones. The other ones were like he was teasing me. This one... just scared the shit out of me.

"No... Stop. Leave me alone. Just let me go. Please..." I begged. I didn't like begging or asking anyone anything. I just felt that I was too strong to be begging. It just didn't seem right to me that I should be begging at someone else's feet. It should've been the other way around. "I just helped you... Why are you doing this?" I asked, confused and terrified.

Deidara scoffed. "It's your fault for wandering about, un. Didn't your mother ever teach you to not talk to strangers?" He laughed. "Besides, it's not like I asked for your assistance." He moved his hands to my black jacket. Instead of unzipping it, he started to grope my breasts.

I first tried to move my hands. But, he did the same to my ankles. He simply clayed them to the tree. _No... I can't moan. It's too degrading... _I bit my lip and pressed them together, doing all I could to prevent myself from letting it out. _I can't... I can't... _

"Trying to resist?" Deidara teased. "It'll feel better for you if you just let it out."

Deidara pinched my nipples through my jacket. I let out a slight moan. His eyes twinkled when he heard it. I knew he did. "What was that?" he teased, pinching them more.

"N-Nothing..." I quickly said. If I spoke any more, I'd definitely moan.

"Don't lie..." he said, pinching them harder. "I told you, you'll enjoy it more if you'd just let yourself."

I shook my head. I tried to glare at him, though it was truly difficult. _He's just so handsome... and I can't help but love what he's doing to me. I'm such a whore..._

Deidara frowned. "Fine." Suddenly, he had a kunai in his hand and cut my jacket in a dozen or so places. My black jacket fell to the ground. He could now see my fully exposed chest. The only top I was wearing now was my fishnet tube top. "You've got one hell of a chest..." He smirked and started to lick my nipples.

"Nooo... Stop..." I moaned and couldn't help myself now. His other hand was occupied as he rubbed, rolled, and pinched my other nipple. He groped my breasts.

"See?" he pulled away from my chest. "You're enjoying yourself much more."

I blushed and turned my head away. _This is too degrading... God. I should've just killed him from the start. _But then... _He's just too handsome. I couldn't have, even if I wanted to. _

"Aww..." he rubbed my cheek with his hand and used his other hand to turn my chin. Now, I was facing him. "Don't feel embarrassed..." He then leaned in to passionately kiss me. "Or... is this your first?"

_Fuck. He knows. _I was trying to hide that fact from him, but... he found out. "Let me go!" I yelled.

Deidara shook his head. "Nope, un." He smiled evilly and then said, "What's your name, cowtits?"

I blushed. "Y-Yuna..." _He finally asks for my name. Jerk._

"Well then, Yuna. I'm all hard and ready from your tits, so... how about you suck it for me?" he suggested. He then rubbed his dick from the outside. I could see it fighting against the pants he wore. It looked like his penis was about to break through the pants.

I denied. "No! Screw you!"

Deidara sighed. "Then would you like to just have me screw you raw? Suck my dick and your saliva will be the lubricant. Or, I'll just fuck you now." He looked at my face as he rubbed my breasts, pushing them together and moving them up and down suggestively. "We could do it this way first, if you'd like."

_He's too tempting. Even though this is rape, I can't help but enjoy what he's saying to me. Ugh... I wanna' suck his dick so badly... I'm such a whore. _"Fine. I'll... suck you off..." I frowned. I seriously wanted to do it, though my consciousness made me feel guilty at the same time.

He let me go, only in terms that I wouldn't run away. Of course, I could've, maybe, but I still didn't want to. Deidara was lying down and I was sitting beside him, looking at his penis. It was already out of his pants, and it was standing fully erected. I looked at it in shock. "Uhh... where should I start?"

"Start by licking it," Deidara instructed, looking at me.

I licked the tip a bit more and kept on doing so until he told me to lick it up and down. "Get everywhere wet with your saliva," he instructed.

After I licked everywhere, I decided to stick my tongue in the little slit on top of his penis. He moaned loudly. "This really is your first time... huh, Yuna?"

I nodded.

"You're pretty submissive, un..." Deidara smirked and said, "Now, suck me off."

I sucked the tip of his dick, then took more and more in my mouth until I almost reached the base. I wasn't sure if I should deep-throat him or not. While I was debating whether I should or shouldn't, he grabbed my head and pushed my face against his crotch. His penis was now touching the back of my throat. He then moved his pelvis up and down, the tip of his throbbing dick hitting the back of my mouth. "Cooooming!" he yelled and he let go of my head.

I could taste his sperm as I pulled away my head. "Gross..." I said as I frowned at the disgusting taste. The sperm dripped down my chin to my breasts. I was about to spit the rest out when Deidara grabbed my wrist.

"Hmm... Drink it all," Deidara said. He smiled. "It's good for you."

I laughed sarcastically and glared at him. "It's not good for me, dumbass..."

"Well, I'm not going to let go of you until you swallow it, un," Deidara said once more. He smiled and said, "I know you enjoy this... So, just go ahead and swallow it. Don't be ashamed, un..." He smiled.

_He's trying to seduce me... Ugh... I hate him. _I looked at him. I tried to stop my cheeks from turning a cherry pink. _I really do enjoy this, though. I should just give in. The quicker this is over, the better. _Honestly, though, I wanted to do it some more. I swallowed it and looked at him.

"That's a good girl, hmm..." Deidara smiled at my obedience. He smirked. "Now then, un, it's time." He licked his lips and with lightning-fast actions, he covered my eyes with his village's forehead protector.

"W-What are you doing?" I asked, a little bit afraid. _Why does he have to blind fold me? _

"Awww..." Deidara said in his sexy voice, "Don't be afraid. You look sexy wearing it, hmm!" He said.

I blushed involuntarily. _I look sexy? _

"Now..." the blonde-haired Akatsuki started.

_What's happening now? What's he going to do? _I was ever so slightly confused. "What?" I said, perplexed.

"Heh," was all he said. Then, I heard the sound of a zipper being unzipped. "Relax, un."

I gasped.

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Ha! How was that? I had a hard time writing it, so hopefully you really enjoyed and savored every word and detail. For some reason, I always get some super awesome or sexy idea for a fanfiction and set out to write it. But, when I do, about half-way through with it, I kinda' lose inspiration (sometimes, well, usually) and have a huge writer's block. Ugh. Those days. Just, just horrible.

Also, I'm gonna' really need your reviews for this story. If you haven't noticed, if I'm in a somewhat satisfied mood after posting a chapter or something, I automatically start on the next chappie. So... sometimes when you guys don't even review - my anger boils inside, when you don't - anyway, I still post another chapter up. I'm so nice, aren't I?

Oh yeah! If you read my Hidan series, which is kinda' crappy... I really need reviews. Otherwise, you won't see another damn chapter for a whole fucking century, bitches. Not really. It's just that I've had a huge writer's block for ages, and that the story isn't really going anywhere. It's just fuck fuck fuck with Hidan. Damn. Is that all he does? Hidan could start a whole anime series by himself and it could be based on his overly sexual life and libido. Lol.

Well, bye. LOVE YOU. BTW - check out HeavenWillBlaze and Crazyanimecookie's stories! :D Yayz. Loves and kisses for all, bitches! Hahaha, just shitting around. For real, though, love you guys. So review. Like, seriously. Before I forget the storyline for this story, and never continue. Then it'll be a one-shot cliffhanger, and you'll just hang there with your boners and on-the-brink-of-coming bodies. I'm such a sadist.

Well, then, I should wrap it up. REVIEW, FAVORITE, ALERT! Thanks!


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